"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with as them." ~ from TV series 'Sex And The City'
Rafa Skye turns five this month (2017). Skye is one of four 'permanently agisted' horses here at Wadi Farm, belonging to our business partner Elizabeth. Skye was born on my birthday. Her mother is Earaheedy Lilly and her sire is a full Percheron (draught) stallion "Kamilaroi Bombardier", otherwise known as Bardie. Skye was born dark bay but is now greying out.
Skye has taught me a lot over the years, because she is different. Not wild born and not a Waler or a brumby, like the rest of the herd. She's also unlike most of the horses we've ever trained. Why? Aside from individual personality, Skye is probably 60% Percheron, as Lilly has some Percheron in her too, like all our big grey Walers. So Skye is part-Waler, but more Percheron/draught horse. Because of this, she behaves differently. Differently to Clydesdales, to full Percherons, to most any other breed, because she's a special mix. Her base nature is therefore (understandably) slightly different to the rest of the herd. Because of this, she's been through some challenging times. Elizabeth and both Kevin and I have been through them with her.
Skye has never apologised for who she is. Not once. And why should she? She's a powerful, brave, intelligent, beautiful, innately sensitive and compassionate young mare. Funnily enough a few of those attributes are mine as well. Skye can also be a bit of an attention-seeker and a bit too dominant at times. She likes to make her own decisions and doesn't always consider herd politics. She doesn't always enjoy being told what to do. She can completely shut down if she gets too anxious or fearful. Funnily enough...
Do we see what we want to see in the horses around us? Perhaps we see what we need to see. Some say horses are our mirrors, reflecting what they see. Because of a few of these different character traits, Skye hasn't always been accepted by the herd. For a time, growing up, she was pushed away. She tried to push back. She became confused, and tried to challenge us as well. But in the end, calmness, consistency, and the larger herd helped her adjust to living among horses with different natures to her own, and she was accepted back in. Still able to be herself.
She is still maturing. Beautifully.
Skye's mother Lilly is a loving, gentle, on the whole subdominant mare, although she has a quiet strength. She too went through a rough patch when we permanently introduced her into the Wadi Farm herd so that she could live with her sister, Sophie. In our herd of 14, Lilly is down the pecking order. She always has been. It's not in her nature to lead although she does step up and share the responsibility. She helps look after the herd.
The really exciting thing that has become apparent over the past three years is that it is in Lilly's daughter's nature to lead.
It's unusual to find subdominant animals in a larger group having offspring that then become group/pack leaders. Usually the 'natural' leaders and their naturally dominant offspring don't allow it. (Even though horses share leadership.) Our lead mare Margaret, however, has already decided that Skye will be the herd's future lead mare. Despite one of Margaret's own adult daughters also being in the herd.
In addition, Skye is not going to be just any old lead mare - Skye is guardian material. Funnily enough we now know that her mother is too, in a quiet way. Skye is not so quiet.
What's a herd guardian, you ask? Well...lead mares and lead stallions are the most dominant in a group, but it doesn't necessarily mean they have what it takes to be a true herd leader. I've seen more than one 'lead mare' panic and run when startled. They don't look out for the other horses and they don't attempt to save others or take the herd with them. They just run away. (And yes...we've all seen that in human work places and with so-called human 'leaders', haven't we? Always blaming others and saving their own skins, so to speak.) But our current lead mare Margaret is a true guardian. Guardians care about the herd. When the chips are down, the guardian either guides or pushes the herd to safety. Yes they go into full fight-or-flight mode, but they take everyone with them. They are concerned about the welfare of the group and they also share leadership and allow other horses to dictate pace, direction or destination, because those other horses know a particular way or place better. The rest of the herd choose to follow and listen to guardians. They aren't bullied into doing it. That's a true leader. And that's what Skye is becoming.
It matters to Skye where the rest of the herd are, and what they're doing. If we are treating an injury or shifting a horse, Skye is right there, keeping an eye on things. Margaret and the other older mares and geldings are teaching her to become a real guardian, and it's wonderful to witness. She's not ready to take over yet, but one day she will be. In the mean time, she's gradually being allowed to make more (and better) decisions. We are endeavouring to assist her in this by incorporating training tasks that help Skye learn to share leadership and make better decisions.
So what is Skye's message to us all, and my October message to whoever reads this? Stop apologising for who you are, and for how you feel at any given moment. Ask forgiveness if you hurt someone, but don't feel sorry for what you've said or felt if it's simply been contrary to another's wishes. Sorrow leads to resentment, and regret. And regret is insidious. It wears you down. Remember, we all matter. We are all different and we all have our own gifts to contribute. Let it go, let it flow, and just be. Nobody is perfect - and that's the whole point. Nobody. Is. Perfect.
Employ more love, compassion, service and guardianship in your lives, wherever you can - towards yourself as much as others. And live as lightly as you can. One day at a time.
Happy Birthday for this month, Skye. May you have many, many more.
All photos (c) KAW unless otherwise stated.
